inihsraht, a reflection

Can't speak much. Dry.  Frustrated I can't be myself. Stories from the trip I can't share. Pain. Fed up. I want to go home. I want to be around her. I miss them both. Gave the presents. No excitement. Nothing.  Dead eyes. I wish I could make the changes and return. This is the hard decision I must make to provide even when I'm not around. Get my insurance up to speed.  During the travel every spot,  every food was something I knew she would enjoy. We make a damm good couple when travelling. 

numb but pain. pain but speechless. speechless but my mind screams loudly. nothing echoes back. everything is still. 25/4/2025  - the day i became single. alone but not really. have i been lying to myself? Do i want this family ? yes.  How badly ? very. But not bad enough to quite this path?  I will regret this and I already am. She was courteous. I can see she hurts too but she has become strong. She always has been strong. She's stronger now. She knows what she wants. It's not me. It's the little one, her peace and to feel wanted. How does this separation create or make it any better?  We shook hands, at the entrance. I wonder if the therapist observes. God does. I couldn't look at her. Walking away not hugging. I would have cried more. She gave me a box Roche at night. Must be a celebration of some kind. Phuket here I come.